Screenwriting Term 2 – New Script Draft

First Draft Script – MAN TO MAN [1st Draft]

As I tried to come up with a new idea after struggling with my previous idea, I decided to return to my roots and write a story set somewhere based on my personal experiences. As a result, I came up with the idea of a basketball coach who tries to live his dreams through his son. The idea for this script partially came from the film Whiplash I viewed earlier in the year which I absolutely loved. I wanted to translate the dynamic between J.K. Simmons and Miles Teller’s characters in Whiplash into the setting for my script and see where that will take me.


As it happens, writing this draft was extremely easy as I was easily able to call upon my own experiences playing basketball in the UK and translate some of them into my story. This made me realise that writing stories based off your own experience helps speed up the writing process as you don’t need to research around the subject as everything is there in your memory.

Initial feedback on my script is that the story was very good and very contained, having a clear arc and that I wrote it with real authenticity as the technical language and basketball terminology seemed genuine. The main piece of constructive criticism I received was that it wasn’t clear whose story it was, Philip’s or Jason’s. Initially I intended this to be Jason’s story as he wants to pursue a career in music rather than basketball but the ending of my script, as people pointed out suggested otherwise, as it infers that it is Philip’s story.

Now I was torn between two choices: Jason or Philip. I decided to make it Philip’s story as I really liked the ending of my script and felt that it was really a poignant end to the story. This made me learn another thing about endings, different to what I learned from my previous script idea, that endings of a film say a lot about whose story it is you’re telling.


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Filed under MDA2100 - Screenwriting: The Short Film

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