Screenwriting Workshop 3 – Third Draft Feedback

Screenplay here – THE CLEANER [3rd Draft]

I had to make a lot of compromises with this draft in order for it to fit into eight pages, as a result most of the jokes and gags that were in earlier drafts have been unfortunately cut out. This was commented on during my feedback session and people expressed regret that I had to cut it all out.

I also changed the dynamic of the opening of my script and tried to make it more visual by showing what my main character, Dominic, was doing prior to him calling Fat Charlie for assistance.

I can’t say that I am fully satisfied with this draft of the screenplay; since my screenplay is a black comedy I feel that for it to be what I really want it to be, it needs to be longer so that I can fit in all of the jokes that were in before and perhaps invent some new ones. I feel that the essence of black comedy comes in the dialogue between characters and the dialogue within my earlier drafts is what made my script too long in the first place.

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Filed under MDA2100 - Screenwriting: The Short Film

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